Someone far wiser than I once said “The only dumb question is the one you don’t ask.” In most cases this is true, but alas oh wise one; Not always! Looking back on things there has been a lot of dumb questions and answers in my life.
For example, parents: They try to be wise and impart their knowledge to their children but it doesn’t always work that way. Have you ever heard a parent ask a child “Would you like a spanking”? Think about it! How many answers to that are there? “Golly Gee Mom, that’d be just swell! And after that could I maybe go sit in a corner?” Of course the correct answer is “no”, but you knew that already, so why do we ask it?
A couple of other classics are, “How Many Times do I have to tell you?” Well obviously, at least once more! And of course there’s “Do you know how many hungry kids in China would love to have those vegetables?” Cool, can we mail them to them?
Of course there comes that day in every person that has a child’s life, when they realize they have become their parents! “Do I have to stop this car?” OMG! I’m Dad! Exactly when did this happen?!
Of course you needn’t be a parent to ask a dumb question, there’s always the classic, “I’m going to Joe Public’s funeral today.” “Did he die?” No, we just thought it would be fun to bury him!
Other dumb questions fall into the category “Don’t Ask the Question If You Don’t Want the Answer!” It’s amazing how many people will go ahead and ask a question that has two possible answers and one of them has the potential to be devastating, the other is the one the person wants to hear. If you aren’t positive which one you’re going to get you probably shouldn’t ask. Please note this also falls into the dumb answer category!
“Does this dress make my butt look big?” The correct answer here is “Of course not dear!” Though do try to remember not to add, “It does that all by itself”!
Another example: During Olivia Newton-John’s peak of popularity my wife turned to me and said “I know you tease me a lot about Olivia, but if you had the chance to make love to her and you were still married to me, would you do it?”
Now, I’m not dumb. I knew what the correct answer was, but apparently I am stupid, because that isn’t the one I gave! What I said was “Yes Dear. Right there on the floor in front of you! Wouldn’t bother me a bit; in fact, I’d probably ask you to take pictures!”
Gotta admit it was the quietest couple of weeks this house has ever seen! In my defense, okay, I got no defense except: She Asked!
If there are no more questions, I’m gonna go work on my answers!
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