Friday, April 27, 2012
Of Knees And Things
Ever think about your knees? They are pretty fantastic mechanisms, and they've played a very big part in my life.
Sometimes you hurt them and that’s not good. I remember as a little boy scraping my knee and Mom was there with the cure, iodine. The purpose of this wonder drug was apparently to cause such severe burning pain; you forgot about whatever else was wrong! Then along came mercurochrome, looked like iodine and didn’t hurt as much; but also didn’t help as much.
Perhaps the best cure of all was the classic “Let Mommy kiss it and make it better”. Pretty sure this had no medicinal value whatsoever but amazingly it seemed to work; much like a placebo today.
Kissing and making it better apparently only works for mothers and not wives. In fact my wife even refuses to try the remedy on me. I cite the "Agonizing Zipper Event of 1984" as a prime example of this.
Knees are invaluable for praying. Standing prayers lack sincerity and supreme beings are all big on sincerity.
Ever try sitting without using your knees? Good luck and if you manage that feat, try standing back up again without knees!
Knees are really necessary for begging forgiveness. Like when she’s really made at you for something terrible that you did that you STILL can’t remember! Try telling her you’re begging her forgiveness while you are standing. “You can’t really mean it; you aren’t even on your knees.” “But I don’t have knees; they haven’t been invented yet.” “No excuse; if you loved me, you’d find a way!” Ya need knees!
There's one past incident involving knees I remember very clearly. High school, 1964, freshman geography class; the door opened and in walked the principal with a new student. She’d just moved here from another country, California, I think. Hey, I said I was in the class. Didn’t say I’d passed it!
Every red blooded male remembers where he was when he saw his first knee and this was mine. I tell you it was more exciting than the lingerie section in the Sears catalog! On that day I felt like I had passed into manhood, I was no longer a kid, I had seen female knee.
The really amazing thing is the next day, okay maybe it was more gradual, but it sure seemed like the next day all the girls in my class were showing knee. It certainly made high school a lot more fun, I know that.
Another amazing fact is once a skirt is above the knee, it somehow continued to shrink until it became a mini skirt!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get down on my wonderful knees and thank the Lord for Molly…or Holly… or whatever the heck her name was!